i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
