So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
