Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
