You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
