I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
