i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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