Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You are the jesus of drinking
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