he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
