wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
