The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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