I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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