Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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