I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
