During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
