By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
