break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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