It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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