i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
