just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize