i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
