i just made my gag reflex go away.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
