just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
