I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
