how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
