In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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