apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize