i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i dont even know how to be here
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
