I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
