Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize