If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
