Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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