I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
