Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just invented taco cereal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
