My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
