How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
