remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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