It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
