Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
