sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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