I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
