Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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