Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
