I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
