Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
