i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am available for nakedness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
