Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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