I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
