I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I just put wine in my tea
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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