I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
