oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
