My hand turned me down
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
