TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
