Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
