have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
