NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
