You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
