I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
