I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
