just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
