They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
