she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize