so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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