Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
