there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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