I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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