Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
