mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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