It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
